A Letter

Dear Aaliyah,

One day you will be old enough to read this blog. You may read some things that confuse you, upset you or uplift you. Know this baby girl. Are are and always have been loved. 

From the moment we found out we were expecting you, you had our hearts. You were a fighter from the start. Even your rough start to life has not slowed you down one bit. 

My darling girl, you are so strong, so brave and I am so so proud to be called your Mama. Your smile is infectious and you know how to work a crowd. You are strong willed, something that can make me very tired some days but I know this will serve you well as you go into your teenage years and beyond. 

You love anything girly - princesses, dancing, dress ups, dolls and barbies. I wonder if this will continue? 

Your eyes take in everything around you. You do not miss a beat. Always questioning, always wondering. It is so much fun seeing the world through your eyes. 

At 18 months old, you became a big sister. You handled this transition so much better than I ever thought you would. You love Hadassah so much and your bond is incredible. I pray this continues. Remember, you may have your disagreements, but as sisters you will always love each other. 

Aaliyah, the girl that made me a mama. You have fundamentally changed me. For the better. You have changed all of us. Mama, Daddy, Nene, Pip, Nana, Nono and all of your Aunties and Uncles. You are so so loved by so many. 

All the tears, the highs and lows, have all been worth it dear girl. You have the ability to make me smile when everything seems to much. Your honesty keeps me in check and makes me strive to be a better Mama. 

Aaliyah, I pray that as you grow, you will remember these words. Remember the love we have for you. Remember how strong you are. 

I love Aaliyah, always have and always will. 

Love Mama 

Conviction

Hi all.

Writing that post last night proved to be very good therapy for me and indeed has given me a fresh perspective.

How lucky are the children that are able to get their surgery. How hard must their parents have worked to get them there? We are not the only ones that have had to struggle through the highs and lows of fundraising. Indeed, I am yet to meet one family yet that hasnt had to do some form of fundraising. What amazing parents they are!!!

I have no right to be jealous. Instead I should look up to these wonderful parents that are willing to go above and beyond for their children. What an inspiration!!!!

So thank you for being patient with me and very forgiving when needed. Your support means so much. xx

Attack of the green eyed monster

Envy - feeling of discontent or covetousness with regard to another's advantages, success or possessions

. 

Yup. Pretty much sums up how I have felt the last few days. Seeing other kids getting their surgeries done or have their surgery booked whilst we are still no where near that point has caused a major attack of the green eyed monster. 

It's a terrible feeling and one that I wish I didn't feel. I could pretend that I dont, but that wouldnt be honest. It really is something I am struggling with right now. 

Microtia kids are a rare breed and us parents need to stick together, so harboring feelings of resentment really does the situation no good. 

Aaliyah is nearly 15 kgs, the weight she needs to be for the surgery. Therefore, the ONLY thing that is holding us back is finances. I HATE IT. I hate the whole situation - not having the money, having to ask others for money, having to fill out requests for donations only to be knocked back. 

Before we had Aaliyah, we had our house deposit saved. That reserve is now gone. Between Jose going back to study and Aaliyah's unexpected medical bills we chewed through that faster than one would like. I am forever grateful that we had that reserve, who knows where we would be if we didn't. 

We are not in a position to borrow money. And that is fine, it really is. We would hate to be in debt. 

There are so many factors that we cannot control and many things we lack but here are a few things we can control and things that we have in our favour. 

1. Our Attitudes . How grateful we are for the support we have been given. For the love shown to us and to our girls. For the fact that despite her Microtia, Aaliyah is an otherwise healthy 3 year old girl. We have her here with us, a privilege denied to so many parents. 

2. Our Time. I have the ability to work shift work. How grateful I am that I have a job that I can work around family life. Aaliyah and her sister are (for the most part) wonderful sleepers, sleeping 12-13 hours every night. This gives me plenty of time in the evenings to prepare documents, write to organisations and try and source new ways of fundraising. I have to be honest and say that wise use of time has not always been a strength of mine and something that I struggle with. I am slowly learning how to use it more wisely and am setting weekly goals I want to achieve in regards to the administration side of things. 

3. We have support. Arghh. I am planning on writing a post about this. Our support network is nothing short of incredible. What we lack in money we make up for in support. Family, friends, online, Hear and Say - We have been so blessed to be surrounded by so many wonderful people. I need to make sure I am doing my best to honour them. 

4. Determination. We have determination. As soon as we realised that this surgery was going to be the best option for Aaliyah not once did we let the price tag put us of, instead adopting an attitude of "we will do it". So many times as parents we say "I would do anything for my child". Well, this is our "anything". 


In a way it is a blessing that others are going before us. We can learn from them. Where to stay, what attractions are worth seeing. Best mode of transport. How their child went post op. 

I hope this green eyed monster buggers off soon, I have had enough.