Monday 23 May 2011

Tomorrow

Our little family


Tomorrow Aaliyah sees her ear doctor. Im not really worried about it. Over the past nearly year and a half we have gone to many appointments so I guess I am just used to it. He will ask the usual questions... any ear infections? how is her speech? what words is she saying? how is she going socially? what is she up to physically (walkinn, running, clapping hands etc)? how is she tolerating her hearing aid?

What bothers me more is the fact that we even HAVE to go to these appointments. Maybe its the pregnancy hormones, maybe Im just tired, but recently I have been feeling angry. Why our girl? Why does she have to be the one that suffers? Its not fair... blah blah blah.... I got over most of this stuff fairly soon after she was born, and just resolved to make the best of it... but sometimes, just sometimes, I get MAD.

Now, I know there are so so many people out there in far worst situations than us. Infact, Aaliyah's ear is relativly minor compared to many. However, at the moment, I feel like having a pity party. There are so many cute head bands that I would LOVE to put on her, she has the most adorable curls... that would look soo soo cute with a sweet little headband with a big flower or bow. Its one of the things that I looked forward to when I found out we were having a girl. Instead I get to put her hearing aid on, forever checking it to make sure that its on properly and having to answer ignorant peoples questions. Gah it makes me mad. Yes, she has a little ear, Yes it is a hearing aid. GET OVER IT!!!!!! Im also sick to death of people that have no idea about our situation judging us for what we are doing. We had a fill in admin girl at work... now dont get me wrong, she is a lovely girl.... however she made it no secret that she thought we were silly for doing surgery because in her words "kids are resiliant, she will get over it".... umm excuse me...... are you a parent? no? then be quiet......


sorry for the whinge.... I already feel better getting it out of my system. I know we are beyond blessed to have such a lovely little princess and are so blessed to be her parents. I just wish I could take of my ear and give it to her.... I would if I could.... she deserves it more than I do.

any ways I will leave you with this poem, i posted it on her page but I really find it comforting, especially at the moment:

Welcome to Holland

by Emily Perl Kingsley.
c1987 by Emily Perl Kingsley. All rights reserved

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability – to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It’s like this……

When you’re going to have a baby, it’s like planning a fabulous vacation trip – to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It’s all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, “Welcome to Holland.”

“Holland?!?” you say. “What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I’m supposed to be in Italy. All my life I’ve dreamed of going to Italy.”

But there’s been a change in the flight plan. They’ve landed in Holland and there you must stay.

The important thing is that they haven’t taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It’s just a different place.

So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.

It’s just a different place. It’s slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you’ve been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around…. and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills….and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy… and they’re all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say “Yes, that’s where I was supposed to go. That’s what I had planned.”

And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away… because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.

But… if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn’t get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things … about Holland.

1 comment:

  1. You should know by now that you don't need to apologise for reflection of your own emotions on a blog that is all about your family journey.

    Good on you for having the courage to turn to us, your friends and family, who only want the best for you physically and emotionally.

    ReplyDelete